Bieber Discovers Money Buys Freedom and Life After 2nd DUI ---An Article from the Future

IT WAS NO SECRET that Justin Bieber paid his $2,600 bail after his first DUI arrest in 2014. Many argued that it wasn't enough of a punishment for the pop star, who was greeted as he was leaving jail by thousands of supportive, young fans. "If he keeps this up," said Sonia Momalot "it wont be long before someone is killed!" Sonia is referring to the racing that Bieber was doing at 4 am, in a yellow Lamborghini, going double the speed limit. "We're letting him get away with it, paying what is pocket change to him, which only enables him" says Sonia. "What is he going to do when he finally kills someone? Pay to bring them back to life?"

Today, on the five year anniversary of the incident, we reached out to Sonia for another interview.
She met with me in the cafe on the first floor of the hospital in LA, where the victim was taken after the incident. Sonia tipped me off that she had some information, and I rushed over (sober, in a shitty KIA, not too far above the speed limit). She sipped her tea, quietly, her breath trembling, and I waited for her to gather her thoughts. "You know," she began."I'm the last person that would have expected this". I asked her what she meant, and she was quiet for another minute before she turned to me, with her voice more stable. "I was getting in my car on my way to work. It was about 4:50 am. I had a deadline to meet, so I left ten minutes earlier than I usually do." She trailed off, and had a sip of her tea. I asked her if that was when she saw the incident, her face turning pale as she nodded. "I think I would rather just show you, if that's okay".

I agreed, remembering Sonia to be much more firm and articulate in the last interview I'd had with her. Then again, that was five years ago. This was a time before the robot anti-suppression laws were put into place, and a time when fish were not harvested for their mercury to be used as energy, but were still being eaten. I guess we've all changed in that time. When I walked into the room, I saw something more horrifying than I was prepared for. There was a bloody white blanket on top of what appeared to be a body. I knew I would be the first news source to be able to confirm the fatality. I asked the doctors the time of death, and if they could disclose the name of the victim at this time. The male doctor and two female doctors in the room expressed surprised looks, exchanged glances with each other, and then with Sonia, and the four of them laughed. "Now, I know this is a lot to take in, but it's okay." My expression must have turned to panic, as I glanced down at the table where the blanket was exposing some skin, and I noted a familiar arm tattoo, a tattoo that I had only seen five years ago. On Sonia's arm. The day of her interview.

The bathroom door opened, and the 24 year old pop star in question joined us in the room. He smiled at me. "Ay Sally! Did you tell her how I bought you back to life yet?" Sonia corrected him on her name, and told him that she hadn't. I looked down at her arm where her tattoo of sanskrit symbols once were, and noticed that her spiritual text had been altered, and now read "another born again Belieber!" I gasped. I froze. I stood there. Sonia turned to me, asked me to take a seat, and gave me a glass of water.

I sipped my water, quietly, my breath trembling, and she waited for me to gather my thoughts. Bieber sat smiling across the table. When I could finally look up, Sonia explained. "I figured it'd be better if you heard some of this from him. It's amazing. I never thought someone whose actions I had condemned whole heartedly would use the same actions to save my life, and society." Justin added "yeah! If it weren't for my DUI injuring Sophia so badly, I would never have invested so much money in technology! When they said my bail was to bring her back to life, I knew there had to be something that I could buy. And look! We did it! All just for ten grand, too, which means I still get to go to Vegas this weekend." My jaw dropped, and when I found myself unable to write due to my shock, I was thankful that I was recording. I looked up at Justin. "Don't worry, I would get starstruck sitting with a hero like me, too." He took out a bottle of Grey Goose. "Shot?"